Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What's in a name?


Well, quite a lot if your name happens to be Lance Armstrong.

For starters, ‘Lance’ is an anagram of ‘Clean’. Lance may well want to add that to his defense down at the grand jury. Why not?

But if he does, he should beware. I’ve run some tests on ‘Lance Armstrong’ and come up with some pretty interesting findings. Let me demonstrate. All you need to know is bold terms are anagrams of ‘Lance Armstrong’.

Lance Armstrong was always the CLEAR STRONGMAN of the peloton. What he said, went. Don’t piss in the soup and whatnot. He claims he never doped. Heck, former UCI president Hein Verbrugge goes so far as to say he ‘never, never, never’ doped. That’s three ‘nevers’ folks. Count them.

And yet some people say he did dope. Terminally Hot Tyler Hamilton says he took the nectar and Floyd Landis adds folly in*. Lance probably thought enough water had passed under the bridge to get away scot-free. Yet, here we see the NECTAR’S LONG ARM reaching out and grabbing him. Will he be able to free himself from its sticky clutches?

Lance is a hero to many. A cancer survivor, the winningest Tour rider ever, American! And yet, here we see it might just be that this GARÇON MARS LENT, as well as marring a whole lot of other shit too, such as people’s admiration for him.

And if he is found to be guilty there will be no more support. Indeed, his foundations will crumble and he will fall down the metaphorical cliff of shame and deceit. There will be no safety rope NOR CRAG MANTLES. That’s right, not even any mantles sticking out of the crag with which to save himself form his fall.

But it’s not just Lance who will fall. He will be taking down a whole institution with him. For CLANGOR TARS MEN. And let's be clear on the fact that there is an awful lot of clangor. One man who will be tarred by the clangor almost as much as Lance is his sidekick Johan Bruyneel. For this reason this may well become known as the “Blue Johnny Era” (In case you missed it, that's an anagram of Johan Bruyneel).

So now for Lance I’d say there’s a CLEAR ANGST NORM. What’s that norm, you ask. It’s clearly very anxious.

I’m sure you’ll agree these findings are too conclusive to simply be coincidences…

* 'Terminally Hot' is an anagram of Tyler Hamilton and 'adds folly in' is an anagram of Floyd Landis. I'll let you be the judge of what that means...

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