In its never-ending quest to confuse its readers about whether or not they should hate cyclists, The Age today showed a video of two mountain bikers biffing it out in Christchurch that has apparently gone 'viral'.
In her best I'm-a-reporter-and-this-is-very-serious-and-definitely-newsworthy voice, the anonymous reporter explains - both inaccurately and in less detail - what can easily be ascertained from watching the video in its original format:
Let's take a look at the transcript of the altercation, with some commentary from yours truly in blue;
Victim: That was really rude of you to not let me pass. It's true. Mountain biking etiquette dictates that the slower rider should allow a faster rider to pass at a point that is opportune.
Yellow Lycra Man: Nah, it was fucking rude of you. I don't need a lecture while I'm enjoying a...enjoying a ride. If you wanna pass, fucking pass. If you don't, shut your fucking mouth or I'll shut you. This seems a little unfair as the path looks too narrow for the faster rider to pass.
Victim: That's assault mate.
Yellow Lycra Man: Is it? Yes, it is. According to New Zealand Crimes Act of 1961, assault means the act of intentionally applying or attempting to apply force to the person of another, directly or indirectly, or threatening by any act or gesture to apply such force to the person of another, if the person making the threat has, or causes the other to believe on reasonable grounds that he has, present ability to effect his purpose; and to assault has a corresponding meaning
Victim: Yeah. Yeah.
Yellow Lycra Man: Well go tell your...
At this point the biffo starts, rendering the audio inaudible, so we're left wondering who the victim was supposed to tell. His mother? The International Society of Politeness? The President of the International Cycling Union, Pat McQuaid? We don't know and I agree it's frustrating.
After 11-seconds of scuffling, the dialogue continues.
Victim: That was on video mate. It's on video. Every second of that.
Then the buffo resumes and they say "fuck off" to each other a bit.
Now I'll go back to writing in black or grey or whatever colour this is.
So, did the reporter do a good job? In short, no.
In long, no. Firstly, she was wrong. The Victim doesn't accuse Yellow Lycra Man of cutting him off. It's quite clear from the transcript above that he accuses him of being rude. And then of assault.
Secondly, she talks over all the fun bits. If there is anything funnier than hearing New Zealanders argue and swear, I'm yet to come across it.
Thirdly, she says how many times the footage has been viewed on YouTube. This is not news. It would only be news if it had been viewed 725,334,421 times, which would make it the most-viewed YouTube video of all time, just ahead of Baby by Justin Bieber feat. Ludacris. That is definitely news. As it is, it hasn't, so it's not. News, that is.
That said, she did do a better job than this guy:
All I have to say about this is, there are some YouTubers who are not very funny people.